


Drowning

by iamfrenchy



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer, 5SOS
Genre: AU, Anxiety, Character Death, Depression, Heartbreak, M/M, Mute - Freeform, Sad, famous!Ashton - Freeform, mute!luke, this is a lot more sad than i could ever imagine it being
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 19:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3499832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamfrenchy/pseuds/iamfrenchy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the accident Luke doesn't talk and everyone is worried but Luke just needs time and when he goes to a 5sos show he finally comes to understand everything with the help of his idol, Ashton Irwin. </p><p>This mentions anxiety attacks and depression and could be triggering!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowning

 “Luke, Honey, are you sure?” Liz Hemmings looked at the huge crowd of girls storming the arena and he could turn around  and just not go but he loved the band. He may not talk anymore but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy music and sing along in his head. The way Ashton Irwin, the lead singer of 5SOS, sang made Luke want to smile and forget everything about that day. If he kept quiet no one would know what happened and no one would pity him, he didn’t want their pity, never.

Luke slowly nodded, hand on the door handle and his blue eyes scanning the arena, his mom had pulled some strings he didn’t even know she could and he suddenly had a front row ticket to his favourite band.

“Text me if it gets too much, I know Jack won’t mind coming to get you. You have to text us if you can’t do this” She spoke again, Luke had lost most of his friends when he wouldn’t talk about what had happened, it’s kind of hard explaining the accident, how you could live on and your best friend just doesn’t. It wasn’t fair and it broke Luke and threw him into such a depression that anxiety attacks spewed at the most random times, it was something he wasn’t used to, he had never experienced a panic attack until Michael Clifford pulled him into a bathroom stall when he found him in front of the bathroom, sobbing and clutching at his head.

Michael had been a shock to his system, he didn’t care that Luke didn’t talk and they would jam out with their guitars, Luke writing down the words that flew around in his head and Michael singing them out loud for him to listen to and edit. He didn’t understand how someone he didn’t talk to before the accident, suddenly could do something so profound that he couldn’t imagine his life without him in it. The now red head had been the saving grace for the Hemmings family when Luke wouldn’t get out of bed for a week from the lingering pain of another panic stricken nightmare that had caused him to not want to get out of bed and go into the world without _him_ in it.

“I could’ve gotten Mikey a ticket if you don’t want to go in alone” She offered again and he knew he could get Mikey here in a second flat, he was almost a bigger fan than what Luke was but the prospect of getting a ticket now would be impossible.

He eyed his mom, pulling out his phone and quickly tapping out the message.

_Thanks mom, but I’ll be fine. I’m going to go now, I’ll text if it gets too much_

She read it over before nodding, her eyes still scanning the ever growing crowd that was storming the stadium, she pulled out the lanyard with the backstage pass on it and she smiled, handing it over to him.

“A few more strings were pulled and I got you this. I think it’s for a meet and greet or something. You could try going, go meet that Ashton boy that’s on your walls” Luke wanted to laugh but just grabbed the bright red lanyard and kissed his mom on the cheek. He felt good about tonight, the anxiety medication was helping and his antidepressants were finally working like they should and he was feeling okay. Not great, not wonderful but okay, he hasn’t felt okay in such a long time.

He finally opened the door, stepping out into the lingering daylight, hand running through his blonde quiff and his teeth instinctually grabbed for his lip ring, pulling the lip between his teeth, a nervous habit that had Mikey swearing at him at times. He walked up to the booth, the queue going quickly as girls showed their tickets, he flew through the stand, the opening act was already playing, they were good but the staging was setup for a small band and he was here for the main event.

The ticket his mom had arranged was great, right in the middle of the front row and he couldn’t understand how she managed it with a sold out tour but she had and he was so thankful for that. There wasn’t a lot of things that made Luke happy after the accident and music had been one of the things he thought he’d never want to do or listen to again but here he was, listening to his favourite band again, finally brave enough to pick up the guitar again and Mikey had been a huge help in that, picking up all of the broken pieces that had cut him too but he was slowly fighting and winning the battle against Luke.

“Are you excited?” A girl next to him shouted over the opening act and Luke looked down at her, she had bright pink hair and reminded him of Mikey, he smiled and nodded, turning back to the band, hopefully they would be done soon, the crowd was huge and crushing and his anxiety was slowly trying to flare up and he couldn’t have that. He needed to fight it.

_You’ll be fine. Ashton Irwin is in the building, you’ve been dying to see them since forever. You need to keep it together, Ca-_

His brain shorted at the mentioning of the name and he shook his head, eyes finally focusing again on the stage, the opening act walking off and the stadium blacked out, the arena growing impatient as they heard the opening of the curtains, the opening notes flying through the air, Luke’s stomach flying with the guitar riff.

It was amazing, getting to watch the world freeze over, getting to see how everything made sense again. Luke watched in awe as Ashton Irwin performed, his presence loud and bright and full of sunshine as he sung, but he was poison and danger and lust on top of that with his sweaty hair and muscled arms.

“Do we have some talented people out in the crowd?” Ashton shouted over the mic and the crowd shouted out, all of them trying to get Ashton’s attention. All of the diehard fans knew of this, one lucky fan from every show was pulled onto the stage and they got to sing with Ashton. It was a dream come true for any one, well not for the mute boy in the front row.

“How about you?” Luke’s heart froze in his chest when Ashton dropped down to a squatting position right in front of him and his hand reached out, pointing to Luke. Quickly snapping back into reality, Luke shook his head, but Ashton would have none of it and Luke was suddenly being escorted to the stage by a burly man in a security outfit.

His heart dropped down to his feet as he was pulled further onto the stage by Ashton, his long hair flying around his face and his hand sweaty as he dropped the guitar to swing around to his back.

“This is Long Way Home” Ashton shouted and everyone screamed and Luke watched in awe as Ashton pulled back his guitar, slowly strumming the melody to Luke’s favourite song. The words spilled out of Ashton and when he came to the chorus, the mic was shoved into Luke’s face and he didn’t know what to do. He hasn’t sung since the accident, he hasn’t opened his mouth to utter a sound in a year. But here he was, on stage in front of thousands of people and a microphone was being shoved in his face by his idol.

“Sing” Ashton held the mic to him and that’s just what he did, he opened his mouth the words dropping out, the first few words croaky and sore but suddenly the crowd screamed. Luke just sang, the song that had ruined everything and here he was, singing it out loud and not crying.

“Come backstage after the show” Ashton shouted into his ear when they were done, Luke losing the last few ounces of whatever that was that made him sing and nodded, just thankful that it was done. He made his way to his seat but couldn’t get the energy back and his whole body was paralyzed by his thoughts, the music and shouting fading to background fuzz as the accident flashed in front of him.

Calum in the passenger seat, shouting the lyrics and Luke had looked over to him, his eyes locked to the smiling boy, his words were loud as he laughed and screamed the lyrics to Long Way Home. It had happened in a split second, one second Luke and Calum were fine and the next only Luke was fine, the next Calum wasn’t breathing anymore and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. The night was in flashes, his whole world crumbling into itself as they declared Calum dead, the body of the lively boy being wrapped in a blanket, his face covered and if Luke had just kept his eyes on the road, things wouldn’t have changed and he would still have his best friend in his life. He would still have Cal to play music with, Cal to talk to but he didn’t and now everything was different and he wasn’t there to experience it. It has been a year and everything still felt like it had just happened.

“Uh, are you okay?” The girl next to him asked and he looked up, finally noticing that he had been sobbing and he rubbed at his tear streaked face, his cheeks flushed and he panicked, his eyes scanning the arena, catching Ashton but only for a second before he grabbed at his jacket and rushed, he tried to rush away and find the bathroom but he couldn’t get far enough before his legs gave out from under him and he shouted when his knees hit the floor.

He laid there for a second before the same security guard rushed over to him and he watched from somewhere as the man lifted his six foot four body like it weighed nothing, the boy sobbing in his arms and clutching at his chest, like he was trying to keep his world from falling apart any further.

“The show is almost over, Ashton asked that you be placed here, I’ll be right outside” The man spoke slowly as he placed Luke onto the couch and he watched the man leave, the door shutting behind him and Luke tried to not get too lost again, it had taken so long to get here and now everything was shattered once again.

“Luke?” Ashton’s voice was soft when the door opened, Luke’s eyes slowly opened from where he had tried to shut out everything, the pillow he was clutching was wet as he tried to stop the tears. Luke just watched as Ashton slowly made his way over and sat down next to him, he couldn’t understand why Ashton would ever do something for a fan, much less the one that had a panic attack at his show after he sung with him.

“Are you doing okay? Have you been doing your breathing?” Luke watched in awe as the lead singer kept his hazel eyes on him, his curly hair wet from sweat but he just kept his gaze on him. Luke slowly nodded and Ashton nodded back, breathing out a sigh.

“Do you feel okay talking?” Luke shook his head, pulling out his phone and going to text out that he was in fact actually mute when Ashton just shook his head.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to talk, I’ll listen when you’re ready”

_You’ll have to wait a long time_

Luke tapped the message and held his phone out for Ashton to read and he frowned his eyes scanning Luke and understanding dawned over his face and his smile softened.

“For someone who hasn’t talked in a long time you sang amazingly well tonight. I’d offer you my spot in the band if I could” Ashton was charming and relaxing and Luke wanted to get lost in him, to not want to worry about it anymore. Accidents happen, his brain whispered and he wanted to believe it, so much and for a few seconds as Ashton Irwin smiled at him, he could try to believe it.

“My best friend died and I was next to him when it happened” Luke choked out and Ashton slowly nodded. He couldn’t understand why he wanted to talk to Ashton, why the words tumbled out of his mouth like nothing, like the sentence was one of the most important things he’s ever said. It’s the most he has said in a year and he didn’t feel the weight of it as he uttered the few words to a practical stranger.

“I may not know you or your best friend but I would like to believe that he wouldn’t be very happy to see you like this. Best friends tend to want the best for their friends and I have a feeling you guys had a great relationship. If you sang before he died then I believe you should keep doing it, not for yourself but for him and knowing that he would want you to go on.”

“How could I be happy when he isn’t here anymore?”

“As cheesy as it sounds, you need to believe that he wants you to be happy. If music made you happy he would never want you to be sad and the fact that you’re talking to me about it shows that you want to get better. If it helps, I’d always be willing to listen to you”

“I haven’t talked in a year and you made me sing tonight”

“Sometimes you need to drown to figure out how to swim, you’ve been drowning too long” The words finally made sense to him, Luke stared at the international rock star, the boy was two years older than him but he just made the world seem so much more real than it has felt the last few months. Luke has been drowning, drowning in his own thoughts and all it took for him to finally start paddling was the voice who sang the song that played as his best friend took his last breath.

“I’m scared” He whispered and Ashton just shook his head, pulling Luke to him, his arms wrapping around him and physical contact was so new to him, such an oddity where people had grown scared to do anything, afraid it would set off something and here Ashton was, pulling him into a hug like it was nothing, like a hug was just that, a hug, but it felt so much more as Ashton whispered.

“It’s a good thing to fear something sometimes, fear shows us that it could be good for us and I’m betting that this is a really good thing for you.”

And it was, Ashton had pulled Luke closer than he ever thought he could be pulled and he flourished under the new attention, the attention of someone that understood how it felt to drown, someone who had fought his own demons and won and he proudly stood next to Luke as he fought his own. Luke fought the anxiety and depression, Ashton right there, not always there but a phone call or Skype call away, never far.

“I’m visiting soon” Ashton spoke quietly, his face scrunched in his pillow, his eye showing in the Skype call and Luke had to breathe a sigh at how completely adorable he truly was.

“I know, you’ve been counting down the days” Luke teased, he hasn’t felt like himself in such a long time but when Ashton is around he doesn’t feel so lost in himself and he gets to see the world again. He gets to see Mikey change before him, shift and grow and finally not be the only one that worries about Luke.

It had been funny the Monday at school when Mikey had come up to Luke, his whole persona excited but he had frozen when Luke had said hi, his whole being just froze in the hallway as Luke watched amused as Mikey processed what had happened.

“It’s early, did you just say hi to me?” Luke nodded and watched as Mikey furrowed his eyebrows even further and Luke laughed, pulling Mikey into him for a hug which surprised him even more.

“Ashton Irwin pulled me on stage, I sang with him and then had an attack when I got to my seat, I freaked out and tried to make a run for it but his security guard followed me and after that we had a talk and I finally get everything again” Luke rushed out and Mikey just watched in awe as Luke talked, his eyes wide and full of tears and he just pulled Luke in for another hug.

“This time you fucking sing those awful melodies because you and I both know I butcher the hell out of them” And that was it, nothing more was expected and nothing was said or asked and that was the main reason Luke loved Mikey.

“We haven’t seen each other since the first time we met” Ashton piped up again and Luke nodded, that had been six months ago and Luke back then and Luke now wasn’t the same person, not even remotely the same.

“I just can’t wait to see you” Luke whispered honestly and he watched as Ashton smiled, how his eyes crinkled and he giggled and Luke’s stomach twisted, his body heating at the feeling and he knew he was done for.

“I can’t wait to hug you” Ashton replied and it was something Luke had been looking forward to for quite some time and he couldn’t wait to just be near Ashton, to feel his calming presence and just feel him against him.

It hadn’t been just a hug, it had been a hug with a kiss and a passionate kiss at that, it had made Luke weak at the knees and had made Ashton smile when Luke pulled him back in for round two.

“I’d like to meet Calum if we get the chance” Ashton whispered against Luke’s chest when he had pulled him close and that was the moment Luke knew that Ashton was it, Calum would be happy and bagging on him about it being Ashton Fucking Irwin but he would be so happy and so full of joy that Luke couldn’t help but be happy when Ashton asked to meet his best friend.


End file.
